Many of you recently read “I Have A Headache” by my friend Luann Prater. This “male” response was from an outcry by many to have a man’s perspective.
“Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
1 Corinthians 7:5
Ladies, I’m about to blow you away with an enormous secret. Grab a pen and paper for you will want to dictate such words of wisdom. Be sure and forward this secret to all your friends for they will surely be blessed by your effort. Here comes the great unveiling: men and women are DIFFERENT! Now stop rolling your eyes and keep reading.
There are some fundamentals you need to know about your husband. He loves you but he really doesn’t care to hear about all the facts of your day (ex. What you had for lunch, the shoes you bought on sale, whatever you discussed with your mother). Deep down he really doesn’t want to help decide which center piece would look best for the upcoming dinner party and he’d rather endure a public flogging than to escort you to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. He thinks, copes, loves, and smells differently than you!
However, the wise husband will try to meet his wife somewhere in the middle of these extremes. He may not crave the facts of your day but he will listen and respond because you find it important. If you ask his opinion on the center piece for the dinner party he’ll try to show interest although he knows you’re just going to do whatever you want. He may even compromise on Bed, Bath, and Beyond occasionally, but for goodness sakes please don’t torture him needlessly.
I can envision many of you standing and applauding uproariously as you read the previous paragraph. What a wise, thoughtful, and giving husband he must be to give so selflessly for his wife. However, the converse is also true. The wise and godly wife will not only look to be served, she will also gain a deep understanding and practice of attending to her husbands desires as well. Are you ladies still standing and applauding now?
Here are a few points the wise Christian wife needs to know:
* “Not tonight honey, I have a headache” should truly mean that you have a true, physiological pounding of the head. A true headache is an adequate reason to abstain from sex with him tonight. Even the most testosterone driven husband should understand that sex will not be an every day occurance. Saying “I have a headache” when you do not is deception.
* Wives are often tired. You’re a wife, mother, taxi driver, worker, and friend to others. The energy to have sex regularly is not on the front burner of the mind when the wife is pooped. Here comes the dicey part. Your husband needs to enjoy sex with you often in part to release energy. He has all the stress and struggle from the day that needs release before he can relax. Your husband would prefer to release through fulfilling sex than to run a marathon each night before bed. Husbands that endure sex droughts are often more edgy and irritable (and you thought it was male PMS).
* The wife has twice as many nerve endings in her clitoris than the husband has in his penis (Yes, a Christian counselor is actually discussing such things). The wife’s extra nerve endings help to produce an orgasm far more potent than the husband can experience. The wife’s orgasm may carry her over for days in her mind. The husband, however, is ready to go again tomorrow. The husband needs to release frequently but often feels restless when his wife is in a holding pattern.
* The husband thinks about sex much more than his wife does. Your husband will make the time typically to think about what he would like to enjoy with you sexually. Many wives go days and weeks at a time and sex hasn’t registered on her radar.
* The greatest need the wife has from her husband is love and closeness. Ladies, you desire love and closeness with such intensity that you often assume that your husband wants exactly the same. Men do want love and closeness but it’s not the top value on his list. What your husband most needs from you is R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
Ephesians 5:33 actually commands the wife to respect her husband. It will be difficult at best for the wife to please God unless she chooses to respect her husband. The husband that feels disrespected will often pull away from his wife emotionally and quite often he is unmotivated for sex with her too. He will still think about sex but his wife may not be in the fantasy any longer.
The Wise Wife Action Plan:
1) “I have a headache” now and forevermore should mean that you have a physiologically, pounding head.
2) Attempt to increase your energy supply. Delegate more tasks to your children, exercise, eat well, and provide more sexual energy for your husband.
3) Your orgasm may satisfy you for days. Your husband’s orgasm carries him over for hours. Strike a good, healthy balance between your extreme and his.
4) Think, think, think, and then think some more about pleasing sex with your husband. Watch less TV, listen to less radio, talk less on the phone, then use the extra time to mentally prepare yourself for mutually satisfying sex with your husband.
5) Be like Aretha Franklin and have R-E-S-P-E-C-T in your mind and rolling out of your mouth. Speak well of him to others (yes, even to your mother). Make it your goal to please God by respecting your husband more each day.
“The wife of noble character brings her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
Proverbs 31:12
I commend all of you for being so wise to further understand your husbands. May God bless you as you respect and celebrate the differences between you and your husband.
Dr. Dale Hancock
“Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
1 Corinthians 7:5
Ladies, I’m about to blow you away with an enormous secret. Grab a pen and paper for you will want to dictate such words of wisdom. Be sure and forward this secret to all your friends for they will surely be blessed by your effort. Here comes the great unveiling: men and women are DIFFERENT! Now stop rolling your eyes and keep reading.
There are some fundamentals you need to know about your husband. He loves you but he really doesn’t care to hear about all the facts of your day (ex. What you had for lunch, the shoes you bought on sale, whatever you discussed with your mother). Deep down he really doesn’t want to help decide which center piece would look best for the upcoming dinner party and he’d rather endure a public flogging than to escort you to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. He thinks, copes, loves, and smells differently than you!
However, the wise husband will try to meet his wife somewhere in the middle of these extremes. He may not crave the facts of your day but he will listen and respond because you find it important. If you ask his opinion on the center piece for the dinner party he’ll try to show interest although he knows you’re just going to do whatever you want. He may even compromise on Bed, Bath, and Beyond occasionally, but for goodness sakes please don’t torture him needlessly.
I can envision many of you standing and applauding uproariously as you read the previous paragraph. What a wise, thoughtful, and giving husband he must be to give so selflessly for his wife. However, the converse is also true. The wise and godly wife will not only look to be served, she will also gain a deep understanding and practice of attending to her husbands desires as well. Are you ladies still standing and applauding now?
Here are a few points the wise Christian wife needs to know:
* “Not tonight honey, I have a headache” should truly mean that you have a true, physiological pounding of the head. A true headache is an adequate reason to abstain from sex with him tonight. Even the most testosterone driven husband should understand that sex will not be an every day occurance. Saying “I have a headache” when you do not is deception.
* Wives are often tired. You’re a wife, mother, taxi driver, worker, and friend to others. The energy to have sex regularly is not on the front burner of the mind when the wife is pooped. Here comes the dicey part. Your husband needs to enjoy sex with you often in part to release energy. He has all the stress and struggle from the day that needs release before he can relax. Your husband would prefer to release through fulfilling sex than to run a marathon each night before bed. Husbands that endure sex droughts are often more edgy and irritable (and you thought it was male PMS).
* The wife has twice as many nerve endings in her clitoris than the husband has in his penis (Yes, a Christian counselor is actually discussing such things). The wife’s extra nerve endings help to produce an orgasm far more potent than the husband can experience. The wife’s orgasm may carry her over for days in her mind. The husband, however, is ready to go again tomorrow. The husband needs to release frequently but often feels restless when his wife is in a holding pattern.
* The husband thinks about sex much more than his wife does. Your husband will make the time typically to think about what he would like to enjoy with you sexually. Many wives go days and weeks at a time and sex hasn’t registered on her radar.
* The greatest need the wife has from her husband is love and closeness. Ladies, you desire love and closeness with such intensity that you often assume that your husband wants exactly the same. Men do want love and closeness but it’s not the top value on his list. What your husband most needs from you is R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
Ephesians 5:33 actually commands the wife to respect her husband. It will be difficult at best for the wife to please God unless she chooses to respect her husband. The husband that feels disrespected will often pull away from his wife emotionally and quite often he is unmotivated for sex with her too. He will still think about sex but his wife may not be in the fantasy any longer.
The Wise Wife Action Plan:
1) “I have a headache” now and forevermore should mean that you have a physiologically, pounding head.
2) Attempt to increase your energy supply. Delegate more tasks to your children, exercise, eat well, and provide more sexual energy for your husband.
3) Your orgasm may satisfy you for days. Your husband’s orgasm carries him over for hours. Strike a good, healthy balance between your extreme and his.
4) Think, think, think, and then think some more about pleasing sex with your husband. Watch less TV, listen to less radio, talk less on the phone, then use the extra time to mentally prepare yourself for mutually satisfying sex with your husband.
5) Be like Aretha Franklin and have R-E-S-P-E-C-T in your mind and rolling out of your mouth. Speak well of him to others (yes, even to your mother). Make it your goal to please God by respecting your husband more each day.
“The wife of noble character brings her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
Proverbs 31:12
I commend all of you for being so wise to further understand your husbands. May God bless you as you respect and celebrate the differences between you and your husband.
Dr. Dale Hancock
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